All trailers must have skirting (awnings optional).

All yardware must be stored in a comely manner.

Limit of three lawn ornaments per lot (taxidermy exempt).

No loud music (Marshall Tucker Band, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Allman Brothers, et.al. exempt).

Please bag your own trash. This means you, Velvet Blumenthal!

Laundry room is for laundry use only -- no band practice, please.

Only one free parking pass allotted per unit (parole officers exempt).

If you do not own a car, please do not use free parking passes as coasters, bling or other such personal ornamentation.

If you perform a séance in the parking lot, please clean up after yourself, as well the dead, who cannot clean up after themselves. This means you, Starla Dickison!

Please do not flush contraband down the toilet.

All long-term guests must be approved by management -- see Betty for paperwork (bring your own pen please).

No stealing of pens.

No loitering.

No littering.

No bragging.

No kimonos.

No swimming.

No pool.

No running with pinking sheers.

No public making of moonshine.

No cannabis plants in plain sight.

No naming of kids after pieces of fruit.

No gratuitous nudity -- unless you're hot.

No gratuitous violence -- unless he deserved it.